I had a one of those days yesterday.
A day when the list felt too long. The different roles I had to play too challenging. I threw in the towel.
“D, I am not doing these dishes. I am done with dishes. I am done today. I can’t do it all anymore. I can’t be a teacher, a mom, a home-maker, a wife, a chef. I can’t do it all!”
I coddled myself with iPad games and asked to have a night off from night time routine with Peapod.
“I’m sorry I kinda threw in the towel today.”
“It’s okay. You be with Peapod, I will vacuum now and I will get up to do the dishes tomorrow morning.”
What I heard, “I love you. I am here to help. You are doing great.”
And then because Jesus knows me so well, he sends this little nugget of a devotional to my email today, “It’s okay to be okay” from (in)courage.
So, I’m okay today and that is okay.
It is so hard to believe that a year ago today our little Peapod was born.
It seems like yesterday that I woke up with contractions (dreaming that I was giving birth to Michael Orr, from “The Blindside”). A year full of time I wouldn’t trade for anything! D and I had planned on an all natural birth (no painkillers, Bradley method, birthing ball, etc…) but when we got there our little girl was in distress. After seven hours I wasn’t progressing very fast and my midwife and nurses couldn’t keep Peapod’s heart on the monitor. After trying different positions and trying an internal monitor, the OB came in and said that we had to get her out, “NOW”. Scariest half hour of my life, full of emotions and tears I was wheeled to the OR to get an emergency C-Section. I will never forget how quick things passed. Suddenly, D was in there in scrubs and a mask, holding my hand and getting ready to take pictures. The anesthesiologist was the nicest man, describing things that were happening and keeping me calm. Then they said “Lot’s of pressure!” and I heard our little girl crying!
The cord had been wrapped around her neck multiple times and she was a bit blue, but she was safe and breathing and beautiful! D followed her (under strict orders not to leave her side) to the incubator and waiting nurses. I got to see her for a few minutes before they started to wheel her out and I had to stay. My heart was wrenched. They had to take her away and all I wanted to do was feel her warm little body against my skin. She was a part of me and she had to leave me for the first time in nine months.
I had to stay and get stitched up. The amazing anesthesiologist asked me what my favorite band was and put them on the OR stereo for me to listen to. It seemed like forever, but at least Hanson was playing.
D came back when I had been wheeled into recovery, we decided on her name and I finally got to hold her. I felt whole. I felt so glowingly happy and I still do.
I cannot believe it has been a year. 365 days of Peapod in our lives. There have been trying times. Times that I do miss my pre-child life, but I would never want to go back to it. Never! Peapod is the reason I exist. I cannot wait to see the future with her and I hold on to every fleeting second while it is here.
Well, since the last time I posted this little family survived the month of “Marchuary”! Ugh, the Midwest in March was not pleasant!
And as a little survival gift to ourselves, and as all good midwesterners do, we packed up and headed south! WOOHOO! And where to you ask?
The In-Laws ALWAYS get a villa at a fantastic resort in Pompano Beach, FL during spring break and our breaks lined up! Hooray! So, after D found some super cheap, cash-flowable plane tickets, we packed up all of our bags (holy cats, the bags, the bags, the bags). Peapod has a lot of stuff she “needs” when we travel, oy!
Anyway, we were in beautiful, sunny Florida with a cabana all for ourselves (and the in-laws). We got to celebrate Easter at the local church and then spent the rest of the week soaking up the sun. Vitamin D has never felt so good! MMMMM!
D and I got some much needed sun and had some extra hands to help with Peapod, thus giving us a little bit of a rest (despite the soreness from the uber springy pull out bed).