Wednesday

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I once heard a song that had lyrics that sounded a but like this- “Wednesday comes in the middle of the week, the middle of the week, the middle of the week.”

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I feel like a Wednesday. I feel like I am somewhere in the middle of a big change and I am scared. Terrified.

We moved to this new portion of the Midwest full of excitment and untapped adventures and after a year here it seems like the adventures are still there but we are stuck in the middle of the journey.

We are going to be moving in January. Initially we thought we would purchase a house, but we’ve decided because of the nature of being “stuck in the middle” we are just going to rent.

I like teaching but I’m still very torn about being a working mom.

D is doing alright at his job but things could be going better. The nature of his profession makes church a place of business at times and that can be though when all you want is to grow your faith.

I am trying to find peace in this Wednesday of my life. Peace in knowing that God has a fantastic plan for this sticky middle we are in.

Tomorrow D and I have our first meeting of our small group Bible study we are leading. I am trying to remain optimistic about the whole venture.

Golly, trusting in God is hard.

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My bookworm.

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Mind Block AKA Time Block

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D always says, “In order to have time for something, you have to make it a priority.”  Truth be told this blog hasn’t been much of a priority for some time now. I kept telling myself that I didn’t have time to blog but truthfully I think I am scared to make time and really put myself out there. 

I started it because I wanted to be part of a community, albeit an online one.  We moved to our new mid-west location over a year ago now and I am still feeling a bit out of place and alone.  I’ve always enjoyed blogs, especially “mommy blogs” and figured that I could add my thoughts to the great web of stuff out there.  

It certainly hasn’t turned out that way though.  It can be hard to find things to right about.  The nature of my job as a teacher and my husband’s job at our church makes out lives subject to scrutiny…and I feel like I can’t share enough here to make it “real” or make it feel like I am blogging my best.  

So, I’ve got a predicament.  I want to blog.  I feel I need to blog…but how do I do that when I can’t share so much of my life?  How do I do it when I feel bogged down with the day to day of being a wife/mom/teacher/cook/housekeeper/Christian.  

That’s my mind block. Image 

It’s Okay.

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I had a one of those days yesterday.  

A day when the list felt too long. The different roles I had to play too challenging.  I threw in the towel. 

“D, I am not doing these dishes. I am done with dishes.  I am done today. I can’t do it all anymore.  I can’t be a teacher, a mom, a home-maker, a wife, a chef. I can’t do it all!”

I coddled myself with iPad games and asked to have a night off from night time routine with Peapod. 

“I’m sorry I kinda threw in the towel today.” 

D’s response? 

“It’s okay. You be with Peapod, I will vacuum now and I will get up to do the dishes tomorrow morning.”

What I heard, “I love you. I am here to help. You are doing great.”

And then because Jesus knows me so well, he sends this little nugget of a devotional to my email today, “It’s okay to be okay” from (in)courage.

So, I’m okay today and that is okay.  

Lucky Duck

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My grandma used to always call me a “lucky duck” and maybe I never truly understood how lucky I am.  

I am loved by a God who doesn’t see my flaws or even betters, sees them and calls them beautiful. 

I never want for food, shelter or clothing. In fact my husband would argue I have too many clothes!

I have a family who loves me for me and accepts it all.  I have a husband who loves me, honors me and is my best friend.  I have a beautiful, funny, healthy daughter.   

I know I don’t show others how grateful I am enough.  I know I fail at this daily but I have recently been reminded that I am a very lucky duck.  

Yep, Grandma, you were right all along.  I am a lucky duck. 

Under Appreciated

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I thought long and hard about writing this post but as the week has come to a close I just can’t keep my mouth (fingers…?) quiet any longer.  Watch out, this might get a little “ranty”.

I am a teacher.  I really enjoy what I do.  I love seeing the growth in my students over the year I get to have them.  I take pride in it.  BUT IT IS HARD!  I go home every day exhausted.  Being a teacher is not a job you leave at 5pm and without a thought of it till the next morning.  I go home and fight to turn off my “teacher-self” so I can become the mom and wife. 

A colleague and I were talking this week and lamenting the fact that we have found ourselves being more of a “mom” than a teacher to our students in recent years.  We spend so much time teaching basic manners and expectations that it sometimes overshadows the academics that we are trying to sneak in.  When did “please” and “thank you” become foreign to some children…and (cough, cough) to some parents?  

As a teacher, I spend more waking time on a daily basis with your child than you do. A fact.  (My daughter spends 8 hours a day at daycare being cared for by her teacher.)   I know who they are and I cherish them for their uniqueness.  I try to teach them 2+2, the ABC’s, basic manners and because I am in a Christian school, all about Jesus.    

All I want is a “thank you”, every once in a while.  A understanding smile when I tell you about your child’s day.  A respect for the fact that I hold a degree and I know what I am doing!  Some trust that I truly want what is best for your child. 

It is Teacher Appreciation week this week.  And all I want is a “thank you”; not an extravagant gift, coffee mug, Pinterest DIY craft or gift-card   Something has gotta change in our country, because teachers are highly undervalued and under appreciated for the work we do.  We are teaching the next CEO’s, doctors, lawyers, mothers, you name it!  

So, if you know teacher (all of you do…) say a quick “thank you” the next time you see them. It really means a lot and makes us feel a whole lot better than another coffee mug.   

Sorry for being ranty, I’m done now. HAPPY FRIDAY! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!)